Just thought I should keep record of all the insanely cool things that have happened lately…. the Lord blesses me richly with a life full of experience.

We found a turtle just hanging out on our driveway… my new housemate Jessica wanted to name her “shelly”. ha

I live in a big house with two really fun girls- Jessica, from Staton Island, NY who has worked with Ingrid Michaelson, went to school with Regina Spektor, had coffee with Ben Folds and the list goes on.  And Melanie, a naturopathic doctor from Los Angeles who will be teaching us to make our own facial products.  We had a great discussion about God leading people to specific places in their lives to all meet each other.  She asked “Do you believe in that?” yes, yes I do. My whole life has been a series of those providencial meetings.

Just two days before, a girl I once worked with had gotten in contact with me because her boyfriend had literally kicked her out and she drove to Louisiana on a donut tire.  She called me because she was wanting to get back into God. She wanted to know if she could go to church with me.  wow. Rich I tell you- I’m rich in blessings- God showing that He is there through all of the stories that have intersected with mine. I love the experiences- they make me who I am.

And tonight, two older women asked if I would drive their RV when they travel around the country for fun.  I told them yes. And I mean it.  Experience.  More material for my creative outlets….. God has given me such an interesting life with the most intriguing people.  thank you 🙂

~leah

So much to think on lately…. does anyone else ever feel like if they only knew- their niche, their purpose… what they are perfectly apt and created to do…. they would be fine?  I do. All the time. But… my mind has been forced to conjure the true meanings of these things lately. It’s like our culture is just spoonfeeding us with images of success and what we should be and look like. Oh, and don’t forget… if you aren’t any higher on the todem pole than “that,” you might as well be a nobody. Which leads me to realize- that is really hard for me.  A nobody? A person that does not NEED to be recognized, complimented, patsied, babied or told “do you know how cool you are?”  But i’m not. I openly admit it.  I care about my image. About the way others see me- about how they perceive me and what I tell people when they ask about my life.  Because after all, often-times I’m so wrapped up in me that I begin choking on my own insecurites. I know, that was really dramatic- and i don’t feel that way but know that I should.

And- sometimes i struggle and wonder. With the idea that others are getting ahead of me in this crazy rat race of life. Why am I stuck here? Why am I not farther down this road of success? Why does fame happen to some and others are just forced to live an everyday life and ultimately die and the world goes on turning just fine without them? Morbid. yes, but i do. And greatness. I want that too- so much sometimes that I wonder if that is the goal more than just the enjoyment of what was my initial passion. And really success, as my mother reminds, is just a by-product of a lot of hard work.

And sometimes there are really ugly things in my heart.  It’s hard to watch others do well and feel like you deserve more than you have.  But that’s Satan working on my heart…. like erosion little by little.  He causes me to see what others have and want that so badly where I run feverishly toward a goal.  And I can know from advice and God, that I wouldn’t feel complete once I did get it.  though, I’ll admit… my heart feels that if… i… could… just…. reach… that…. i’d…. be… happy….

the thrill of the chase- and I want what I don’t or feel I can’t have. Why is that always so tempting? And I have often lived in the future.. not here, now- but way up there ahead- before everyone else gets there.  But really, right now. I can be happy right now. It should be in my soul- acceptance that what I am where God would have me right now.  And with that, I should seize opportunities that He gives me each day.

I have a lot to learn about contentment. And realizing that when things don’t go my way, I don’t get to stamp my feet like a three-year-old and God just hands it to me and says “Ok Leah, you’re right. You deserve this.”  And growing up is hard, and it never ends.  But keeping in mind how immensely blessed I am does a lot to change that attitude. And maybe shutting out more of the world through magazines, television and lighting my heart with God’s Word will keep me in the right place.

just some thoughts..

~leah

Light. Counter-culture to dark. And in the early morning light when you watch the gleam illumine the sun-ward side of every leaf, think.  One doesn’t look at this occurrence and say- “Look at that little leaf glow- he’s just so fabulous, glowing more than any of the other leaves.”  Rather, the whole scene is a complete work of art and you say “Look at the sun illuminating those leaves so beautifully.” In the same way, God is the light. And even with each of our own glowing accomplishments and talents, we must step back.  Looking at the tree as a whole, we should see lots of light reflecting and bouncing off each bit of life form. In our proper places and roles, others should see God’s light springing from our hearts, talents and everyday endeavors. So, on that note, are you holding your gifts all for yourself or are you lifting them up, spreading creativity throughout the world around you to show what God has bestowed on you? And while doing this, you are turning God’s light on in the hearts of others. 🙂

go forth and shine dear friends…

True, this is my poetry blog, but people have told me I should keep a blog…. meaning, i should write about my personal experiences? Why not?  I’m long overdue for some sort of book, essays or published work….

Life, love and the pursuit of everything….

At a time, when you feel like the world should be practically at your fingertips, why does it feel as if there’s nothing at the end of them but some tiny little nothing shreds of hope.  Wanting to pursue but acknowledging that this world is not going to hand everything to you on a platter all wrap up to make you realize that God’s plan is not that you become a great big star.  Rather, you start to realize that you are a star in your proper place in His plan.  And accepting what that plan is for you or knowing when to jump at certain opportunities and when to learn to wait is the hardest thing of all.  But sometimes, just some moments, reveal that while you were waiting for God to do great things through you, He was actually making great things happen.  I don’t know much, but one thing I’ve learned.  His creative touch lights the areas of our lives where we didn’t see or even know it was present.  It’s almost as if we were walking through a canvas of many colors unknowingly.  But when we turn around to catch a glimpse of where we’ve been, we see a picture that was painted, more clear and detailed than we could comprehend at the time.
that’s all for now….

Harvest moon rose slowly

In the autumnal solstice tonight

Above the royal blue rolling hills

And sleeping Texas cattle

Tucked beneath the southern sky

My soul peeled quickly back

Like corn shucks

The same ochre of the buttered popcorn moon

While clouds wafting by, slowly passed and sighed

A faint picture gone too soon

Wind running her fingers through the native grasses

On the side of a two-lane road

As I passed

Letting my fingers be ravaged by heavy night wind

Desperately wishing that the season

Could be held within my grasp.

Looking up into the west Texas sky

The prairie dog inched near and shielded his face

Held up his hand to only try

To touch the traveling mystery

He never could catch

But today it was waiting

Close enough to snatch

“What does it mean

To be you Tumbleweed?”

And tumbleweed rolled a few feet away

His mass of intertwining twigs gave a tremor

In the sultry breeze of the day

“Well, I’m anxious you see,

Never could settle down

Enjoying sights as I passed

Through country, not in town.

I decided long ago to let the wind carry me through

Where it felt I belonged

To myself I’d be true

Mother tumbleweed shook

When she heard the news

While father just whispered

Love what you do

“Oh for life worth the livin

Though lonely she may be

Little doggie, they don’t know

They only dream of livin free.”

Fear whistled to me

And we stood there face to face

She said “I know that you won’t do it.”

I started to turn away.

But when I turned back around,

She had transformed into a horse

How did she know my weakness

My deepest childhood ghost

Instead of sinking to her

I firmly stood my ground

Calm, unwavering

Reaching my hand out

Slowly to her now

Creatures only fear

When they smell it on your skin

I always thought they didn’t like me

But it was more of me not liking them

Sensitive and shy

Fearful of their size

Once I walked into the unknown

One determination did I hold

To emerge as a victor

Who had vanquished this one foe

The antagonist was not

The creature standing there

It was within myself

Weakened by the stare

Fear is only strong

When you’re blowing coals and embers

As she threw her thoughts at me

“Be afraid don’t you remember?”

Planted, as violent wind around me snarled

Talking myself slowly through

I have sent fear far away and whispered

“I am not afraid of you.”